


Cold Feet and Memories

by nowafangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:24:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowafangirl/pseuds/nowafangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean clings to happy memories to dispel his cold feet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Feet and Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't really sat down to write in a while, so this was really nice to have the chance to write on a nice rainy day. Comments are always appreciated. Hope you enjoy.

Dean’s fingers were shaking too badly to put on his tie. Come to think of it, his knees were also shaking too badly to stand. He threw himself into the nearest chair and placed his head in his hands. After a moment of shaky breathing, Dean lowered his hands and just stared at them. These were hands that had done so much wrong. They had fought and killed, and they had beat people that Dean loved. He raised his head and looked into the mirror on the opposite wall. This was a body scarred. It was a killing machine that housed a broken man. 

The self-loathing fest was broken by Sam walking through the door. 

“Dude have you even combed your hair today?!” Sam asked with a frantic look in his eyes. “Jesus, Dean I feel like I’m the only person in this entire building that’s ready, and it’s not even my wedding!” When Dean just sat there soundless, Sam took the chair next to him. 

“Hey,” Sam said, “what’s wrong? This is your big day.” 

“I don’t deserve him, Sammy,” Dean said softly. “He’s an angel, Sam, and I’m a monster. Look at these hands. They’ve done nothing but fight my whole life. I can’t go out there and take his hand in these.” 

After a moment’s silence Sam said, “Dean, that’s bullshit. Those are the hands that have saved countless lives. They’ve gotten rid of monsters and stopped the apocalypse and picked the people you love up off the floor when they fall down. And most importantly, they’re the hands that that former angel gave up an eternity of angelic grace to hold. Now get your ass up, comb your hair, wipe that sorry ass look off your face, and get ready for your wedding.” 

Sam got up and left. Just Dean and his thoughts alone in the room again. However, they were turning from a monsoon of doubt and self-hatred, to a gentle breeze of flashes of Cas’ smile and nights snuggled close together. Sam was right; this was his wedding day, and he couldn’t let himself be what ruined it. 

Determined to walk out to Cas the best version of himself as he could, Dean focused on what made him happiest. It started as just the flashes of joy: more of Cas’ smile, the sleepy look on his face in the morning, the way sunlight made his eyes shine like two brilliant blue gems. Slowly the flashes grew into memories. 

Dean remembered the day he realized he could deny how in love he was no longer. It was the day Cas had returned from Purgatory all dirty and beaten and scruffy. He looked like hell and smelled worse, and Dean had never been so filled with aching relief as when he saw his face in the mirror behind him. Lying in bed that night was the first time Dean had let himself say the L word. 

Dean remembered the day he finally told Cas how he felt. He had been such a wreck of nerves that he’d almost puked. But god, the way he felt when Cas’ face lit up that night, there was no describing that joy and relief. He had become so full of hope, more so than he’d ever been in his life. After breathing, really breathing, for the first time in what felt like days, Dean had closed the short distance between them to take Cas’ face in his hands and laid a gentle kiss on his honey sweet lips. Cas had taken it upon himself to kiss every inch of Dean’s face like he was some priceless, fragile, perfect being. 

As he remembered the look on Sam’s face when he walked in on them kissing the next day, Dean let out a bark of a laugh and realized he was starting to cry, and the memories just wouldn’t stop. 

Dean remembered his and Cas’ first night together. He remembered feeling so shy and fumbling like he’d never done this before. He remembered the ecstasy of finally being with the man he knew he couldn’t spend another day of his life without. Cas’ eyes had practically beamed rays of love, and their bodies had fit so perfectly together. They had fallen asleep in each other’s arms that night and nearly every night since, clinging to this perfect thing, this lifesaver in the tumultuous sea of their lives. 

Dean remembered the day Cas had truly given up his wings for good. Cas had mentioned it before, lying in bed together at night. Dean had been uneasy about it. He didn’t feel worthy enough for Cas to give anything else up for him. So Cas had just done it without any further discussion. He went out one morning, and when he came back he was human. Dean had been angry that Cas had changed himself, but he had also never felt a joy that compared to the kind he felt knowing that Cas really, truly wanted to be his in every way. 

Dean remembered the night Cas had asked him about marriage. Cas had wanted to know if Dean thought it was crazy or strange that humans bound themselves like that. From the moment the conversation began Dean’s stomach was a storm of butterflies. They had laid awake for hours talking about love and commitment. Cas dozed off against Dean’s chest late into the night, but Dean had hardly slept at all, is mind too full thinking of Cas at an altar. 

Dean remembered the night Cas had proposed. Sam had kept Dean busy all day in any way he could to keep him out of the bunker. Meanwhile, Cas had been there stringing the place with lights and putting as many soft rock love songs on a playlist as he could. When Dean had finally been allowed to come home that night, Cas was waiting in the middle of the room with a simple gold ring and the playlist issuing softly through the room. Speechless, Dean stood rooted to the floor in the doorway as Cas walked up to him, told him he loved him more than he believed anything had ever been loved, and got down on one knee with the question burning in his eyes. Dean had dropped to his knees and fallen into Cas’ arms, able only to nod his answer. 

And now it was the day. The Big Day. Holding the image of Cas kneeling in the doorway in the forefront of his mind, Dean rose slowly and tied his tie in front of the mirror. It was show time. 

Standing in front of the door and waiting for his cue to walk out, Dean had to concentrate just to keep his feet on the ground. Then the music started. Dean reached out, opened the door, and lost his lungs. His feet moved automatically towards the center of the room and Castiel who was walking in from the other side. Sam stood in the center ready to officiate. Only two people were in attendance, but that was fine with Dean. Garth and Jody were enough. 

When they reached Sam, Dean couldn’t stop himself from immediately taking Castiel’s hand in his own and feeling like he was purer now than he’d ever been in his life. Dean barely heard the nice words Sam had put together for this. All he really caught was Cas saying “I do” and his cue to do the same. That kiss was the happiest moment of Dean Winchester’s life. 

As they walked out of the room to the sobbing cheers of three people, Cas whispered, “You ready for forever?” 

“I’m ready for anything with you, honeybee.”


End file.
